Presbyterians – Give me an AV

Presbyterians’ [Fn1] new hit single, “Give me an AV”[Fn2] (tune)

Hey over there
Please forgive me
If I like the good “King Jim”[Fn3]
Hate to stare
At your Bible
While they play my favorite hymn[Fn4]

So come here
‘Little closer
Wanna whisper in your ear
Make it clear
Little question
Wanna know just how you feel

If I said I miss my “thees” and “thous”
If we could escape the crowd[Fn5] somehow
If I said I want your Bible now
Would you give me an AV?

Cause it speaks of paradise
And I need a translation tonight[Fn6]
So if I said I want your Bible now
Would you give me an AV?

Hey you might think
That I’m crazy[Fn7]
But you know it sounds just right
I might be ‘little hazy[Fn8]
But you just cannot deny

There’s a book inbetween us
When we hear the preacher preach
I want more
Wanna see it
So I’m asking you tonight

If I said I miss my “thees” and “thous”
If we could escape the crowd somehow
If I said I want your Bible now
Would you give me an AV?

Cause it speaks of paradise
And I need a translation tonight
So if I said I want your Bible now
Would you give me an AV?

[Spoken]
If I said I want your Bible
Would you give me an AV??

(Yeah) (Uh huh) (Oh)

Gimme something good
Don’t wanna wait I need to read (na-na-neat)
Read it like you should
And show me how you exegete[Fn9]

(Alright)

If I said I miss my “thees” and “thous”
If I said I want your Bible now
Would you give me an AV?

If I said I miss my “thees” and “thous”
If we could escape the crowd somehow
If I said I want your Bible now
Would you give me an AV?

Cause it speaks of paradise
And I need a translation tonight
So if I said I want your Bible now
Would you give me an AV?[Fn10]


  1. “Presbyterians” is an anagram of Britney Spears, the singer whose song (“Hold it Against Me”) is being parodied.
  2. AV is an abbreviation for the “Authorized Version” also known as the King James Version, which is celebrating its 400th anniversary this year.
  3. I don’t know anyone who actually refers to their King James Bible as “King Jim,” but they could!
  4. I don’t actually endorse hymns of merely human composition, but “King Joms” to rhyme with “Psalms” was even more of a stretch.
  5. The crowd of modern translations, of course: NASB, ESV, NKJV, Message, Living Bible, Amplified Bible, HCSB, etc.
  6. After the Sunday evening worship service, or perhaps after the mandatory (see Hezekiah 3:16) Wednesday night Bible study.
  7. And not just because I turned a Britney Spears’ song into a song about the King James Bible.
  8. Hazy from trying to wade through all 15 of the archaic words found in the book.
  9. You knew it was coming.
  10. I hope this has been “relevant” enough for you.
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